My birthday and Jasper Whitlock, among other things

Just this weekend - Saturday, to be precise - it was my 108th birthday. Though I'm not very party-happy, unlike Alice, this year was an unusually quiet celebration. Simply me and Bella, out in our meadow, together under the rare sun. I've been away from these blogs for that reason - I have better things to do on my birthday than to waste time on my brothers.

However, when I returned home, I did so to no birthday wishes other than from Rose, Alice, and Esme - and instead of the aforementioned lovely birthday wishes, I came home to none other than a list of things that should supposedly annoy me. Most of the items on that list were pointless, not irritating; but it did get me interested in lists. I spent some more time with my Bella, and we came up with a list that Jasper seemed to have omitted from his collection.

10 Ways to Annoy Jasper Hale

10. Beg him not to eat you.

9. Inform him that he seems to be the “depressed” Cullen.

8. Go up to him, look him in the eye and ask if he is hungry.

7. Spell his name with two “a”’s (Jaspar) and call him Jaspar Cullen. When he objects, saying his name is Jasper Hale, wave your hand at him and tell him all that blood must have gone to his brain.

6. Tell him only girls feel emotions. Then giggle and run away.

5. Dress up in a cape and fangs and leap out in front of him when he is least expecting it, proclaiming you have come to suck his blood.

4. Send out waves of lust and see how he reacts.

3. When he gets too close, make your fingers into the sign of the cross and cry, “The power of Christ compels you!”.

2. Splatter red paint all over his and Alice’s room and videotape his reaction.

And the Number One way to annoy Jasper Hale?

1. Whenever he says anything, snap to attention, shout “Sir, yes sir!” and salute, army style.

Perhaps Jasper shouldn't have posted his lists on my birthday. Then, he wouldn't have to face this - and everything else I have in store for him.